1. In the Bible (James 1:19) we are told to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Isn’t God wise? Be a ready listener and don’t answer until the other person has finished.
2. If you have something difficult or critical to discuss always PRAY first.
3. Speak the truth with respect and sensitivity.
4. Disagree without arguing or attacking the other person’s point of view.
5. When you are wrong, admit it.
6. Avoid unnecessary criticism. Affirm and encourage when you must also share something negative. I call that “sandwich communication”... Say: Something affirming: “I appreciate the way you have been trying to get home on time.”
The problem: “I get fearful that you’ve been in an accident when you are late and don’t call...”
Something affirming: “...because I’m really trusting you to be here or call to let me know you’ll be late.”
7. If someone verbally attacks, criticizes or blames you, don’t respond in the same manner.
8. Try to understand the other person’s opinion. Make allowances for differences. Be concerned about their interests.
9. Before you speak, ask yourself these questions... Is it really true? Do I have all the facts? Is what I have to say profitable? Will it help or hurt - be constructive or destructive? Is this the proper time for me to say it, or would it be better for me to wait? Is my attitude right? Are the words that I will use the best possible way of saying it?
Family Ministry Counseling - Marriage Brief articles answering questions on marriage. Authored by Director of Counseling and Support Ministries, Dee Goar.
Article: Communication
Before we got married my husband and I were great communicators. We could discuss anything for hours. Now, ten years and two kids later, we seem to have forgotten how to have those stimulating conversations, and even talking about routine stuff is awkward. How do we get back on track?
Good communication is foundational for an intimate relationship. Many of us forget to nurture that special part of our marriage because we think we already have mastered it during our courtship, and we get sidetracked by busyness and other concerns.
Good communication takes time and commitment. Here are a few guidelines that may help you.
The Bible is full of great communications advice... check out Proverbs 12: 15-18 & 23, many verses in Proverbs 15, Ephesians 4: 15 and 29. In these verses and many others God is instructing us in godly communication.
As stated earlier, good communication that leads to intimacy takes time. Make some time available to develop fun, intimate conversation. A resource that can really help is a book, published by Focus on the Family, called Now We’re Talking by Robert and Pamela Crosby. This book is designed to help husbands and wives ask each other great questions that can rekindle the spark in their relationship. My husband and I often pull a question out of this book and take it on a dinner date. It helps us to talk about something other than the kids or our jobs or problems. Typical questions might be “If there were a book written about your life what would you title it, and why?” or “Tell about one of our dates that was the most fun for you.” Now wouldn’t that be more fun than talking about the high cost of utilities or the stopped up toilet???
Learning to communicate as you did in your courtship and early marriage, and even improve on that, can take work but will be well worth the effort as you regain lost intimacy.
Consultation, counseling and referral services are available for all who attend FBC.
For an Appointment Call 770.641.5623.
» See our Privacy Statement